I, Neil: An Alice in Deadland Adventure (Alice, No. 8) Page 8

  He smiles as he says the last sentence. Neil had a very nice smile. Biters cannot smile, and that is one more thing I regret.

  Then I see Neil with a metal rod in his hand, blood oozing from a wound on his shoulder, Biters lying around him with shattered skulls.

  'I threw my life away, my dreams away, to save a girl whom I had no future with. Is that heroism or is that foolishness?'

  Then I see him lying on a highway, bleeding profusely, his face contorted in pain, his eyes closed. The veins on his arms and neck bulge as if they are ready to pop. Neil is turning into me. Suddenly his eyes open, and he says to me, 'Bunny Ears, are you a hero or just a fool?'

  I sit up, breathing hard, and look around me. There are four men sitting in a corner of the large trailer we are in. All of them are armed and wearing body armor and helmets, yet they all shrink from me in fear. I get up, disoriented, and fall back down hard as the helicopter turns to the right. The men are still looking at me and whispering among themselves. Let them whisper. I have my own whispers to deal with.

  As the truck keeps rolling slowly down the road, taking me to wherever Robertson wants me, I think of what Neil just said. I have never thought of myself as a hero. If anything, I have always been happy to be in the shadows. Serving the Queen, serving Alice, doing what is needed to keep those around me safe. Being the center of attention is not something I like, nor something I want. In that, I am much like I was when I was Neil. But if standing up for people and things you believe in is being a fool, then on that count as well I am happy to be like Neil was. I am happy to be a fool.

  ***

  The truck has stopped and I can hear men arguing outside.

  'What is going on?' I ask.

  One of the soldiers peers out a flap and looks back at me.

  'It's a roadblock. Bandits out to get what they can. I think the Sarge told them a drone is up there watching and they'll get a Hellfire up their backsides if they mess with us.'

  The truck rolls on, but I wonder how Robertson dreams of ruling this vast nation when so close to his palace, bandits dare to challenge his soldiers. I wonder what ordinary people must be going through in a country where the ruler is focused on furthering his own power and empire instead of protecting them. Maybe that's why people like Tunks are able to get so many to join their cause and why Robertson is so desperate to drum up some support by waging wars against imaginary enemies, or indeed using me as a false symbol of hope.

  The truck stops again, and this time I hear some good-natured chatter. Not another bandit roadblock, for sure. As the soldier opens the flap to peer outside again, I tap him on the shoulder.

  'May I have a look?'

  He recoils at my touch and moves back several feet. Outside is a camp of some sort, with very high walls ringed by barbed wire and with guard towers around it. Several men with rifles are on the walls watching out, but also several seem to have their weapons pointed inside. Are they trying to keep people out or keep them in? Looks like a bit of both. As a gate swings open, the truck enters the camp and I am assaulted by smells I know only too well.

  The smell of decay, the smell of death, the smell of thousands of bodies huddled together in a narrow space, the sounds of low moans joining together with the smells to assault the senses.

  Biters.

  As I step out of the truck, I can see cages lining the inside walls of the camp. Every single cage is full of Biters. Armed guards are walking all around, and every single of them is wearing body armor and helmets. They wear the black uniform of Zeus, not the old US military uniforms I had seen Konrath's men and resistance fighters wear. A very large man, easily bigger than my old friend Hatter, comes up to meet me. He is wearing a black uniform as well, but without the armor or helmet. Whether that speaks to his confidence or his rank I do not know. He looks me up and down and then speaks in a loud, gruff voice, one that sounds more like a Biter's growl than a human speaking.

  'So you're the one. Do you speak or is that also some PR stunt?'

  Despite his size and words, I can sense indecision. This is a man used to keeping Biters safely behind walls or bars, not facing one so close.

  'I can speak, and I can understand, and I can see a prison camp here. Is this how you are trying to bring humans and Biters together?'

  His eyes narrow, a glint of fury appearing and then passing almost as soon as it came.

  'This is Camp Oriole. The old stadium used to be here, but I suppose that won't make sense to you. This is one of the first reintegration camps in the Homeland, and what you call a prison is the first step of reintegration.'

  He points to a large board hung up near the entrance. It reads:

  'The 3 Rs of Reintegration: Ring-fence, Restore, Reintegrate.'

  'We cannot reintegrate without an atmosphere of safety. That's why we've been encouraging Biters to come into camps such as these, where there are no chances of attacks on humans and vice versa. I am Sam King, the Camp Commander here, and it's my job to keep the Biters safe and humans safe from them.'

  He leads me to a covered passageway leading to a large covered shed.

  'That's where the geeks are, working on restoration. If you had asked my personal opinion, I would have said it's all political BS, that there's no way you can make Biters human again, but that's been a big plank of how Washington's been selling itself, and I am just a grunt who has to obey orders.'

  He stops to look at me again.

  'But after seeing you, who knows? Maybe there is some truth to it all.'

  We keep walking together, and I realize that hundreds, maybe thousands of Biters are now screeching, calling out to me. King does not realize it, but I know what is happening. In one of our long chats, Aalok talked about it. Biters are like humans in that they need to be led and guided, but that instinct is much stronger, much like animals, so they always look for a leader of the pack. That's why we all followed the Queen with her book and then Alice, not just because of the symbolism of the book, but who they were—people who showed us that we could rise above being just hunters and prey. That it was possible for someone like us to rise above what we had assumed was our place in the world. Seeing me free, talking to King, these Biters see the same.

  I stop and raise a hand, and almost as one, the Biters become silent. I turn to face them and say only one sentence.

  'Be patient, my friends.'

  First one, then another, then many dozens of them, start kneeling. Within a minute, every Biter there is kneeling. I nod to them and then start walking towards King. I can see a new expression on his face.

  Fear.

  I walk past him towards the room he was leading me to. He is just behind me, his tone now much softer than it was.

  'The scientists have been at it for some time, ever since Washington heard about you starting to remember your name, and they've gone ballistic since you spoke. I normally don't like going in there, so I'll excuse myself right here.'

  His hands almost unconsciously go to the gun at his belt.

  'Look, they've been trying various things in there, but with you here, I guess it'll stop.'

  I walk towards the room and the door swings open. In one of my dreams, I saw Neil at a church, and someone talking about Heaven and Hell. I do not know if a God really exists, or if there is such a place as Heaven. Everyone I have seen die, good or evil, looks just the same dead.

  But as I step into this room, I know I have entered Hell.

  ***

  NINE

  All around me are bodies on beds, bodies of Biters. Most of them have one common feature.

  Their skulls have been opened up. Cut open like a can. The insides of their heads are all missing.

  What kind of horror is this? What kind of evil beast could have done this in the name of science?

  The unlikely answer appears in the form of a bespectacled, thin, red-haired man, looking more like a boy in school than a scientist leading this madness. He comes up to me and looks at me for a long while before he spea
ks.

  'So you've come. Things will be easier now.'

  That is all he says, and then he disappears into a room, where through the glass partition I can see him looking through various instruments and at a computer screen on the table in front of him.

  Two women now come up to greet me. Both are wearing gloves and masks over their faces.

  'Hi, I'm Vonda Wagner and this is Kim Graham. We're the senior scientists here.'

  I am still speechless, still trying to take in what has happened in this room; what these outwardly polite people have done.

  The one called Vonda addresses me again.

  'Sir, I do hope that with you here we'll make progress. The Doctor has been telling us all the exciting possibilities your being here opens up.'

  'The Doctor?'

  'Oh, the man you just met. Doctor Brendon Appleseed. He's young, but he's a genius and he's our foremost authority on Biter physiology. He's the one who's been leading all the efforts on restoration and reintegration by seeing how the effects of whatever made people Biters could be restored.'

  'By doing this?'

  I point around the room, my voice rising.

  'By butchering all of them?'

  The two women shrink back.

  'Look, most of these are autopsies of dead Biters. We just tried to understand how their brains had changed and how things could be reversed.'

  'Most?'

  The two women fall silent, and the door opens and Appleseed comes out. I realize he is either supremely confident or just crazy to be in here with me and with no armed guards around.

  'Great progress calls for great sacrifice. So many Homelanders died to win freedom, just as people in your Deadland sacrificed their lives to win theirs. If we unlock what could restore Biters to their human personalities and memories, we could change the world. A little bit of sacrifice is worth it.'

  'Those who fought and died for freedom here and in the Deadland did so of their own will. Did these Biters have a choice? Did they volunteer?'

  The words are now streaming out of my mouth, and it is no longer me speaking. It is Neil, for I don't even know if I could have consciously formed these words.

  'What have you achieved, other than butchering some Biters? Have you ever wondered that the key to memories and lives may not lie in studying cut-out brains through your instruments but in connecting with them while they live?'

  I stop, shocked because he does not seem afraid, or even offended. He has a big smile on his face, and his eyes are ablaze with excitement.

  'Look at you! Listen to yourself! My God, imagine every Biter being like this. We would put an end to the scourge that has destroyed our world. We would put an end to the fear that still grips so many of us. Isn't that a cause worth sacrificing for?'

  'And where does Robertson fit into all this?'

  Appleseed shakes his head dismissively. He is now clearly in the flow of things, and keeps talking animatedly.

  'Politicians are still what they always were. Tools, symbols, figureheads. They think they rule the world, but all they do is manage it.'

  Then he stops, as if catching himself in mid-sentence, and looks at me again. His eyes narrow.

  'Well, you really have got me worked up, haven't you? I'm going to need you to cooperate and I do hope I can trust you to not harm me or my colleagues.'

  I start to say something, but before I can complete my sentence, Appleseed reaches into his coat and lunges forward. A large needle jabs into my side. I roar in anger and lash out at him but he moves back, stumbling and falling to the ground. I move towards him, intent on ripping his head off. He has betrayed me. But before I can get to him, my legs collapse under me, and I fall to the ground.

  I try to speak but only moans come out, and as much as I try to keep them open, my eyes start to close.

  Then there is darkness.

  ***

  I try to move my hands but I cannot. My legs are also stuck and I cannot seem to move them. I open my eyes and see that I am lying down, my hands and legs bound by belts to a bed. There is a flurry of activity around me as the two women I had seen earlier move around the room, setting up various machines. Appleseed is standing by the bed. He leans closer and I snap at him. He jumps back, startled.

  'Whoa, big fella! Careful there.'

  'What have you done to me?'

  His words are polite, but I already know not to trust him.

  'Sir, we needed to do some scans of your brain and I did not want to risk hurting you or my staff so I had to inject you with some sedatives.'

  'You could have just asked.'

  He chuckles, a dry rasp devoid of much humor as I roar in anger.

  'You claim to want to restore and rebuild, and yet you treat me like an animal; you butcher others for your so-called research.'

  I have touched a raw nerve, and his eyes narrow into slits.

  'Butcher? What about the millions butchered by Biters? I had to choose—to give into my own hatred or to go with my instinct as a scientist. I am trying to do the latter. The alternative is extermination of all Biters. Don't you see that?'

  'We can live together. Like we do in Wonderland.'

  He leans closer and hisses through clenched teeth.

  'What happens when Alice dies? Who will maintain that peace? Or do you believe she will live forever?'

  I sense something in the way he spits out Alice's name. There is more to this scientist than just his scientific desire to find a cure. As he turns his back to me, I ask him to stop.

  'What did you find in my scans?'

  He holds up some sheets against the light.

  'Remarkable. Your brain activity is neither like that of a Biter nor that of a human. It's almost as if both are coexisting at once. What we don't know is what triggered the activation of the human in you. That's what we need to study. We've got blood samples and we'll be studying them.'

  As he starts to leave, I stop him again.

  'Untie me. I am not a prisoner or an animal, am I?'

  He turns to me.

  'I am done with you for now. We will meet again soon once I have some results and some hypotheses to test, but now I am handing you over to King. He'll take care of you.'

  King enters the room in a few minutes, and as before, he wears no armor or weapons other than his handgun. He looks at me and there is a look in his eyes that tells me that he does not approve.

  'Come on, big guy. I'm going to untie you, but please don't attack. I have nothing to do with what Appleseed and his docs are up to. I just try and keep everyone safe and in one piece.'

  I have a feeling that at some point, this will all end in bloodshed, but that is not necessary now, so I just nod and wait for him to untie me. As I get up, he leads me out into the open once again. As soon as I come into view, all the Biters in the cages stop whatever they are doing and look at me. I see them now as Robertson sees them, as he sees me, as mere pawns to advance his cause. I don't think he cares much for restoring Biters to their human selves, but showing the effort, using me as a trophy, helps him buy time while he subdues his rivals. But what about Appleseed?

  King leads me towards another room at the far end of the camp, but I stop him.

  'I will stay in a cage like the rest of my kind.'

  He is flustered, clearly not having prepared for this turn of events.

  'You are supposed to be in a room.'

  'And they are not supposed to be in cages like animals. Free them or put me in with them.'

  He shrugs and leads me to the nearest cage. He blows a whistle and more than a dozen fully armed soldiers appear, ringing the cage, pushing the Biters inside back with large sticks that crackle when they impact their skins. Three Biters fall to the ground when I shout at the men.

  'Stop!'

  They give way and I step up to the cage, addressing those inside.

  'I am here now, and I will spend some time with you. Please let me inside without attacking these men.'

  The Biters fall ba
ck to the far corner of the cage, and as King opens the cage, I step inside.

  Yes, there is a voice inside my head that reminds me that I was, and perhaps still am, a young man called Neil George. My memories tell me that I once lived like a normal human, but sitting here, surrounded by Biters, I feel like I am among my own.

  ***

  I wake up and all the Biters are kneeling around me. They have looked upon me with awe since they found out I can talk like a human, but now they have seen that I do something else. I sleep.

  What they do not know is that I do something else that I was not able to do earlier as a Biter.

  I dream.

  Of dreams are born not just memories of what once was, but also hope for what can be. So this time, I dreamt of Neil and his life. Of my life as it once was. I saw Neil talking to a friend, sharing his own dreams. A job, a stable life, getting Neha to finally notice him. Simple dreams for the simple world he lived in.

  But then I saw another dream. Not of Neil and the world he inhabited, but of the world I live in now. One where jobs and love perhaps mean nothing, but something still has meaning. Something that is still worth fighting and dying for. Something that is more important than mere survival.

  Freedom.

  I dreamt of thousands, perhaps millions of Biters walking free on the great plains of the Homeland. Not hunted by humans, not locked in cages, but free. Free to live out our lives. I saw us headed out together, towards the ruins of a city, and then beyond it, to safety in a great chasm in the earth.

  We may no longer be able to do what we could have done as humans, but do we not deserve the chance to live out our lives in dignity? Do we not deserve the chance to be free? I have seen that in Wonderland where Alice has given not just freedom but also the ability to live in harmony with humans. But who will do that for the Biters in the Homeland? I came here to save my home in Wonderland, but assuming I can get out of here alive, would I be happy to leave all of these Biters behind as slaves, prey, or pawns in Robertson's games of power?